It has been a sad week. For reasons that we might never know, God has chosen to take our second little one home to be with Him. On Father's Day we were getting ready to eat with some friends at a restaurant and I noticed that I was spotting some. I left immediately and went to the hospital to be checked out. It turned out that our baby had actually stopped growing at around 6-7 weeks. On Wednesday I had another D&C. We are going to Saipan next week, and I did not want to chance having a natural miscarriage when I was away from home.
Although I am so far from "understanding God", I know that He uses everything in our lives for our good. Even if I never understand the "why's", I do know one very important thing- God's plan is to prosper us and not harm us, to give us a hope and a future. What is in the future for us? Blessing after blesiing from our Heavenly Father...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
What a blessing!
We had the pleasure of hosting the Kane family from Indiana for the last two weeks. They stayed at Grace, and were a huge blessing to all of us. By helping with the Latin American Fiesta, organizing the storage room, filling in for teachers at the school, and best of all just sharing their lives and hearts with us- they were a huge blessing! Thanks so much Kane Family- you are precious!!
Mother's Day gift
Last month was Mother's day and I got the best Mother's Day gift I could have ever asked for. A positive pregnancy test! We are going to have a baby! There is a really good story to tell about all of this, but I will warn you up front...it might get long....
When Luke (my youngest, now 10) was a baby, Mark underwent surgery for "permanent birth control" if you know what I mean . Anyway it wasn't too long before I began to regret it but Mark was happy as a clam. Mark told me that God would have to write in lipstick on the wall before he would go under the knife again. In 1998, when Luke was 3 I began to pray that God would change Mark's heart. After a few months Mark actually decided to get the reversal! YEAH GOD.
After one year when we did not get pregnant, I began to ask God why He went to all the trouble of changing Mark's heart if He wasn't going to give us a baby. I prayed and asked some good friends to pray for God to give us a name if He was going to give us a baby. I was reading the book of Isaiah, and kept getting the name Jacob. When we went to visit our friends they told us that the Lord had given them the name James. I kind of filed it away, and thought well, we will see. I was suprised to learn that James is the Greek form of Jacob and they have the same meaning. But I did not particularly care for the meaning which was "supplanter" or "one who takes the place of another".
Five more years passed and we never became pregnant. We were at peace with the fact that it would never happen, but every once in a while I would ask God why? Not in a bitter way, just curious as to why. Then last year in March we got the shock of our lives. I was pregnant! We were so excited. The kids were fighting over who would get the baby in their room and would it be a boy or a girl? Finally they just decided to pray for twins! But God had other plans and at 12 weeks we lost our baby to miscarriage. The doctors words that we could get pregnant again, were no comfort to me. He did not know that this baby took five years, and truly was a miracle baby.
Three days after the miscarriage I was praying in my bed, asking God if He was going to ever give us another baby, and I remembered about the name James. And I remembered the meaning "one who takes the place of another". I asked the Lord, does this mean you are going to give us another baby Lord? How do I know if I am hearing a word from You or if it is just the desire of my own heart? Then a card that I had received from a friend a few days earlier came to my mind. I had put it up on the fridge. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to grab it, and on the front it said "...for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23" Wow I thought, maybe this really is from the Lord. However, I did not really have enough faith to believe 100% that God had promised us another child. But I did tell about 5 of my friends, just so if could be a testimony, when and if God brought it to pass.
Which brings me to Mother's day morning, more than a year after the miscarriage. My God gives the greatest gifts to His Children!
I will confess that I am more than a little worried that this pregancy could also miscarry. Every twinge and symptom, has me thinking of the possibility. I am especially concerned of how Lukie might take it, because he is so excited and so sensitive to being hurt. But I know, that the God of the UNIVERSE holds us in the palm of HIS hand and He will only do the absolute best for me and my family!
When Luke (my youngest, now 10) was a baby, Mark underwent surgery for "permanent birth control" if you know what I mean . Anyway it wasn't too long before I began to regret it but Mark was happy as a clam. Mark told me that God would have to write in lipstick on the wall before he would go under the knife again. In 1998, when Luke was 3 I began to pray that God would change Mark's heart. After a few months Mark actually decided to get the reversal! YEAH GOD.
After one year when we did not get pregnant, I began to ask God why He went to all the trouble of changing Mark's heart if He wasn't going to give us a baby. I prayed and asked some good friends to pray for God to give us a name if He was going to give us a baby. I was reading the book of Isaiah, and kept getting the name Jacob. When we went to visit our friends they told us that the Lord had given them the name James. I kind of filed it away, and thought well, we will see. I was suprised to learn that James is the Greek form of Jacob and they have the same meaning. But I did not particularly care for the meaning which was "supplanter" or "one who takes the place of another".
Five more years passed and we never became pregnant. We were at peace with the fact that it would never happen, but every once in a while I would ask God why? Not in a bitter way, just curious as to why. Then last year in March we got the shock of our lives. I was pregnant! We were so excited. The kids were fighting over who would get the baby in their room and would it be a boy or a girl? Finally they just decided to pray for twins! But God had other plans and at 12 weeks we lost our baby to miscarriage. The doctors words that we could get pregnant again, were no comfort to me. He did not know that this baby took five years, and truly was a miracle baby.
Three days after the miscarriage I was praying in my bed, asking God if He was going to ever give us another baby, and I remembered about the name James. And I remembered the meaning "one who takes the place of another". I asked the Lord, does this mean you are going to give us another baby Lord? How do I know if I am hearing a word from You or if it is just the desire of my own heart? Then a card that I had received from a friend a few days earlier came to my mind. I had put it up on the fridge. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to grab it, and on the front it said "...for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23" Wow I thought, maybe this really is from the Lord. However, I did not really have enough faith to believe 100% that God had promised us another child. But I did tell about 5 of my friends, just so if could be a testimony, when and if God brought it to pass.
Which brings me to Mother's day morning, more than a year after the miscarriage. My God gives the greatest gifts to His Children!
I will confess that I am more than a little worried that this pregancy could also miscarry. Every twinge and symptom, has me thinking of the possibility. I am especially concerned of how Lukie might take it, because he is so excited and so sensitive to being hurt. But I know, that the God of the UNIVERSE holds us in the palm of HIS hand and He will only do the absolute best for me and my family!
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