Jehovah Jireh- OUR PROVIDER

I had to wait until it was a done deal to share this testimony, but I just love how God takes care of our every need, and in the process confirms that we are exactly where we are suppose to be, heading exactly where we are suppose to be heading!!  Here's the story...


A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a CAJ staff member that had connected with me via Facebook.  We were talking about housing and she was saying and I was wholeheartedly agreeing that it would be important to be CLOSE to the school.  Commuting by train every day would get expensive, and with Jordan in sports, he would have to figure out the Japanese system pretty quickly so that he could travel alone.  For a kid who struggles with language and reading this was weighing on me pretty heavily.  After speaking with my friend I messaged some of my prayer warrior friends who have been faithful to pray us through these last two extremely difficult months.   This is what I wrote:

"It's about time for the folks in Japan to be looking for a place for us to live. It is complicated by our large family, and Japanese houses are typically very tiny. We also really need to have a house close to the school so that we won't spend tons of money and time commuting. Would you guys join me in prayer that God will lead them to the "just right" place? I know it is silly, but I also worry that if it is too much of a commute or too far from the school, it will be hard on Jordan"

They immediately replied with encouragement and prayer...

"Thank You for Being Jehovah Jireh, our Provider. Thank You because when You called the Van Druffs to Japan, You already knew what home You have specifically Hand-Picked for them, where they'd live and who their neighbors would be etc. Now Father, Divinely lead those who are in charge of securing their home directly the one You picked. Amazingly, You can see it right now!;) Thank You for the doors You opened to ensure that their home would be in the perfect size for their big family and for working out the commuting situation and for already taking the finances involved in account."

"My faith is BIG for your house Renee….exactly what you need and right where y'all need to be! Daddy is not one to let details like this slip past Him grin emoticon This is soooo EXCITING!!!!!"

You all need friends like this!!  :-)  And guess what?  I am not even exaggerating when I say that just an hour or so after that prayer, my friend from CAJ sends me this message:

"I have a lead on a mission house that is one block from the school that "randomly" another teacher just told me about it as I entered school this morning. I just emailed XXXX and someone else about it."

Did you all catch that?  ONE BLOCK FROM THE SCHOOL!  Well, by the next morning, the person in charge of renting the house had already contacted Mark to see if we were interested!  To make a long story, not too much longer, it's big enough for us, it's in a perfect location, and the rent is reasonable!  Not only is it one block from where Jordan, Kloe and I will be going to school, there was another "little something" from the Lord as well.  As we checked out the house on Google Maps we noticed that the elementary school that I wanted Nikki and Nater to go to actually borders our new back yard.  Seriously, God just knocked our socks off on this one!!

"And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus!"

Spiritual Warfare Part 2

I am finding it hard to come up with the words to begin this post.  At this moment I am in awe of God's love and care for us.  The last weeks since I wrote that first post about spiritual warfare have literally been some of the hardest of our lives.  Some things I can share, and some I cannot.  But what I can say is there were times when we were in great despair, and I don't use those words lightly.  We were utterly powerless to do anything to "fix" the situations and totally dependent on God to move TWO big mountains in particular.

One thing that happened, was just a crazy unbelievable mistake on my part.  So crazy, and so unlike me, that I told Mark this has to have happened so God can show up and show off.  That is the only explanation. The long and short of it is that I missed an important step in submitting my big EdTPA portfolio to Pearson and it has caused my scores to be delayed until a couple weeks after graduation.  The university told me that I would receive an incomplete in the class and I could not get my degree or graduate until August.  Since I need my degree to get my visa, and the whole process of getting the visa takes a couple of months, this was very bad news.   Somehow some way I had to graduate on May 9 and receive my degree.  God had to move this mountain.

Yesterday in church we had a guest speaker.  Ever have those days where you know God planned the message just for you?  Yesterday was that day.  The word was from 2 Kings 6-7 and the subject was from "Famine to Feast".  In short, there was a famine in Samaria, and things were really desperate.  So desperate that the people were eating goat heads and dove poop.  Along came the prophet Elisha and he says: 

HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD.  (Ch 7:1-2)

"In 24 hours everything is going to change"

There is a lot more to the story, but this is the most important part.  This is what I felt in my spirit God was saying to me.  Both Mark and I were in tears by the end of the message. Last night, one of the two mountains, (sorry to be so private, but just know it was HUGE, and we were desperate for a change, and that we had been praying for WEEKS for a breakthrough) that problem completely turned around in a matter of hours.  Like 180 degrees.  Total change.  Just as the Lord said.

Then this morning at 10:30  (24 hours from the start of church yesterday) I received an email.  I am going to graduate on May 9.  I will receive a "D" rather than an incomplete for the class in question.  Once my scores come in, they will recalculate my grade.  In the meantime, I have never been so happy to ruin my 4.0.  (And it is only temporary!)  Makes me wonder if God thought I needed a little dose of humility!  LOL.

In the process of fighting these battles, facing these obstacles, praying for miracles, I have learned so many things.

1)Never ask to be tested, but know this:  God uses every trial for good.  During the testing you will become more dependent on God than you ever were when all was right in your world.  And there is no better place to be than dependent on the One who has the power to move mountains.

2)We all need praying friends.  Friends who won't just SAY they are praying but will actually do it.  So many I could name that have been on their knees time, and time, and time again for our family over these last weeks.  They were our lifeline.

3)Take the time listen to people who are in the fire.  Look for them, seek them out and pray for them.  Then follow up with them.  Continue to lift them up until God brings them through.  I know for a fact that I will be more aware of people who need to be encouraged and carried to the Father in prayer.

4)Know that nothing is too difficult for God and that in 24 hours, everything can change.  Nothing can stop His plan for your life.  When God calls you to it, He will bring you through it.  Cliche perhaps, but true nonetheless.

Spiritual Warfare

If you have ever moved out in obedience to something God is calling you to do then you are no stranger to spiritual warfare.  I cannot tell you how many people I know who were living comfortable, care-free lives until they decided to enter the adoption process or become foster parents only to have all hell break loose.  In the 15 months of our own adoption journey we had several appliances break down, the stock-market crashed cutting our investments by more than half (the very investments that were to pay our adoption expenses!), and I had a miscarriage.  Spiritual warfare is real.

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens." Ephesians 6:12

So I mentioned to Mark a few weeks ago that we should not be surprised if things start "happening".  God is calling us to Japan, and He has a purpose for us there.  There are powers of darkness and spiritual forces of evil that would work to hinder that purpose.  Therefore, it is no surprise that at the beginning of the year I felt led to make "Serenity" my focus word.  Or to put it in a way that is more my style "Hakuna Matata" NO PROBLEM.  Both vehicles starting to have issues when up until now they have run in perfect harmony with the universe? Hakuna matata!  Find out we might have trouble processing the visa in time if my TN licensing paperwork takes too long to come after graduation?  Hakuna Matata!  Hubby forgot to take the super duper stinky trash out before leaving for work?  Hakuna Matata!  Why are we able to say no problem?  Because we know how this ends!

The weapons of our warfare are not worldly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. 2 Corinthians 10:4

1. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
2. _____________________________________________________________________

The post above this point was written a month ago but never posted.  I didn't know then that we were about to face a much bigger battle than car trouble!  I think God had me write this so that today, when we are facing a discouraging family situation, I could look at it and remind myself.  "We know how this ends!"  As I have been contemplating our current spiritual battle, God gave me the following verses from Zechariah...

Then he said to me, “This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.  Nothing, not even a mighty mountain, will stand in Zerubbabel’s way; it will become a level plain before him! And when Zerubbabel sets the final stone of the Temple in place, the people will shout: ‘May God bless it! May God bless it!’” Zechariah 4:6-7

Please pray for God to move a mountain for the Van Clan... that it would become a level plain before us!

Feeling Gray by KBV

Sometimes my days feel so gray

Everything seems to be a mess

Nothing seems right

Mistake after mistake

Things get even harder

But that doesn’t mean I can’t change

Chorus:
Even though it hurts

Even though it’s hard

I’m going to try my very best

I need You, I need You

Lord I need You

No matter what it takes I need You

Sometimes I feel hurt

Sometimes it feels so hard

Not everything seems right

But I don’t think you or I should ever give up

Whatever our days feel like

God is always there

When trouble comes for you or me

Sometimes it feels like I just mess up every day

But God is with me

Sometimes my days feel so gray

Nothing seems to be right

Time is flying... and dragging!

It's February!  If all goes well we have five months before we leave for Japan.  Time is flying and dragging all at the same time!!

Some progress is being made toward our move...

1)We all have our passports!  All six of them.  Although we have 4 different expiration dates among the six passports!  Gonna have to pay attention to that in the future!

2)I have a general idea of what I will be teaching at CAJ, but things can change on that front.  Right now it looks like I will be in middle school.  Specifically 6th grade homeroom, math and Bible.  In addition to that I will likely be teaching one other core subject OR 8th grade math.  Anxiously waiting for the final say on that so I can start digging into curriculum maps and making plans! I did go ahead and buy a cheap teachers guide for the 6th grade math on Amazon.

3)We have sold and will keep selling our bigger furniture items.  We are know eating at a picnic table, having sold our dining table and chairs this week.  My "desk" is now a group of boxes stacked up.  I am surprised at how much we have sold and yet still have PLENTY of junk.  Too much stuff.  Seriously.  Even being minimalists has not saved us from collecting a bunch of things we have no need for.

Our new (old) dinner table

My "desk"

4)This month I realized that we will not be having any yard, garage, or junk sales to raise money because neither Mark and I can hold onto our unwanted/unnecessary junk that long!  Several carloads have already been taken to our local KARM (Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries) thrift shop.  We have always been minimalists, and having a good excuse to purge is fun for us.  :-)  I think we'd rather be blessed by donating it to a good cause than be blessed by the few dollars we could get for selling it.

So five months to go.  Seems like forever and yet I know it will be here soon!

6 Months to Go!

We are hoping to leave as early in July as possible, which means we have just over 6 months left on US soil.  So many things have to happen in the next 6 months, it can overwhelm us if we let it!  This coming year I have made a decision to be intentionally SERENE.  I have determined to remain calm and at peace as I complete my requirements for graduation while simultaneously trying to get rid of everything we own, rent our home, and prepare to move our family of 6 half-way around the world.

So far we have:

*Returned the signed employment contract.
*Completed the process of getting J and K admitted to school
*Sold a few large but not essential pieces of furniture and given away several smaller items
*Met with a realtor and determined that selling our house is out of the question at this time... we will be renting.  It's not our first choice, but financially it is clear it is the BEST choice.
*Secured an adoptive family for our beloved Boston Terrier "Max"

We've have a general idea of what some of our moving costs will be and an idea to raise some of the money to help cover them.  We are thinking about having a donations only yard sale.  We will take all of our stuff, as well as any donations of stuff from friends who have things they don't want or need  and hold a BIG sale.  I passionately hate holding yard sales (pricing and selling stuff) so I am going to have a donations only sale.  Everything will be donation only.  We will totally trust God that whatever comes in is exactly what we needed.  And if someone needs something we have, but doesn't have much or even anything by way of donation, that's okay too... they can just have it.  This way both The Van Clan and anyone coming to our sale can be blessed.  It sounds like a good idea "in theory"... now if I can just get over my phobia of holding a yard sale!

We've Got Mail!

Knock, knock!  The kids rush to the door... "oh, it's just the mail man".  

Well, maybe the kids were unimpressed, but Mama was happy!  "Are you Renee?"  "Yes sir, I am!"  "Are you expecting this?"  I could tell he was curious.  Perhaps he doesn't deliver mail from Japan very often.  I excitedly placed the package on my counter, and knowing I would want to blog the exciting moment, I reached for my phone to take a picture... ugh... dead battery.  So, in a tremendous display of patience and self-control, I waited the 10-15 minutes it took for my phone to charge and turn back on before opening the envelope. (You really should be impressed! :-))  

Of course I signed the contract and it will be on its way back to Japan on Monday!

It's Unofficially Official!!!

WE ARE MOVING TO JAPAN!!!

I received an email just as I was getting ready to head out the door this morning.  The subject line simply stated: An Offer.   I knew what it was, and couldn't wait to read it.  Mark and I were both excited, but not necessarily surprised.  It has been so clear that God was leading us in this process.  If you had asked me 3 months ago where we would be next year, I would not have thought Japan!  I thought Japan would be a few years into the future.  God's plan is always better!

Kloe cried when she heard the news.  Please pray for her.  The good news is, that her class at school surrounded her and they all prayed for her, and she said she feels so much better now!  The other kids seem pretty excited.  I did tell the girls they could get their ears pierced if we were going to Japan.

While we are so excited to move, there is sadness too.  We leave behind our two biggest kids in college.  We will go from seeing them several times a year, to once every year or two.  We have also formed some special relationships with some of our elderly neighbors.  The thought of leaving them makes us sad.  Even when you know God is calling you to something, even when you are excited about it, there are parts that are hard.  There are sacrifices that will be made.  

I expect we will move sometime in July of next year.  I'd like to move before the airline tickets go up significantly around the middle of July, when Japanese schools let out for summer.  When you have 6 tickets to buy, a couple hundred dollar difference in price adds up!

We will be selling our house and just about everything else we own too.  We will only take our clothes and a few bare necessitates to Japan.  Shipping is expensive so it just makes sense to start fresh when we get there.   Please pray as we decide on the best timing for putting our house on the market, for selling our vehicles, and for all the stress that is involved in moving a family of 6 half way around the world.

Those who serve at Christian Academy in Japan are considered missionaries.  We do receive a small salary, and that plus Mark's retirement will nearly support all of our regular monthly needs.  We will be trying to raise a small amount of support for things like our moving expenses, and annual or bi-annual trips home to connect with family, and possibly language school for Mark.  (It just won't be in the budget otherwise).  In the future we will have information on how to make tax deductible donations to our mission fund.

While I'm Waiting...

But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.

Romans 8:25

Last night's interview went fairly well.  It was suppose to be with the Head of School, the interim elementary principal, the regular elementary principal, and the middle school principal.  It turned out that the regular elementary principal was sick, and the middle school principal was there, but she had lost her voice!  So, the questions came mainly from the head of school and the interim elementary school principal.  It wasn't too bad.  There were a few questions that I wish I had better answers for, but overall I was pleased.  We did talk about my passions and my "ideal" and I told them that my strengths would be Math and Bible, and everything else is on the same level of interest for me.  I joked that I'm probably not the best choice for an older lit class, mentioning that poetry drives me a little crazy and I wish people would just say what they mean instead of making me try to figure it out!  (Hey- I said I was a math person!)  They said they try to honor peoples' gifts and passions, but that a contract is offered for work, and not for a specific position.  I am totally fine with that.  I'd work anywhere that I am qualified to work, and do it gladly, giving 110%.  I just think it would be totally amazing if God put me in a place where I could teach what I love the most!  They did send a follow up email asking what level of math I'd be comfortable teaching, did it include Algebra?  I answered with a resounding YES!  I love Algebra!!  

At the end of the interview they told me that they were definitely interested, but they needed some time for the undecideds that are currently on staff to decide what their plans were for the coming school year.  Once they had a clearer picture of their needs, they would get back with me.  They said not to expect to hear anything in November.   So we wait.  With patient confidence.  I know that God has called us to Japan.  I don't know God's timing.  We are completely trusting God in the process.  Waiting is hard, not because I am fearful or anxious about whether or not I'll be hired... Either way, I believe God's plan will unfold.  Waiting is hard because something is unknown, and it makes you feel kind of "stuck" in one place.  You can't DO anything but wait.  You are powerless to make anything happen more quickly.  I love John Waller's song "While I'm Waiting"- It reminds me that I am not "stuck" and I don't have to be "standing still" even in the waiting...

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait

Yes, I will wait

God Knows our Days!

 You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!

Psalm 139:16 TLB

I can't remember when I first felt that God had called me to missions work.  I do know that Mark and I felt that we would probably go to Africa (don't all missionaries go to Africa? LOL!) and that Japan was not on my radar at all, until sometime around 2002- about two years after the Air Force sent us there.  Around that time, Mark and I started to feel that God had brought us to Japan for a much bigger reason than  the Air Force had in mind.

So imagine my surprise when we were living in Japan, the year was around 2004, and I stumbled across this piece of writing that I had written when I was a senior in high school.  This type of writing is called "Stream of Conscious" and the object is to just sit at a keyboard and write whatever comes into your head, without regard to grammar, spelling, punctuation, or sense.  It's a creative exercise.  On this particular day in 1988, I was sitting next to a Japanese exchange student named Yoshi.  (I had completely forgotten that Yoshi even existed, until I found this piece of writing 15 years after I had written it.)

Notice what it says?  "I wonder what country I will be  a missionary for?  Maybe I will meet Yoshi sometime when if I am a missionary in Japan.  Who knows."   (GOD KNEW!)  

Do you see what God did there?  He had me write something that literally just popped into my head.  Something I had never considered before, or in the 15 years since I wrote it.  Then God had me discover it again 15 years later, after He had already spoken to Mark and I about being called to Japan.  It was like confirmation of what God had spoken to us.  I literally had no memory of ever writing those thoughts!  I never thought about Japan again until the Air Force sent us there.  I just love how God leads us and guides us, and how He shows us that He is the one ordering our steps.  That all of our days were written in His book before even one of them came to be!

First Interview, Second Interview

Last Sunday was the first interview for our possible move to Japan!  The Human Resources Director and the Head of School were easy to talk to, and the discussion mostly centered on the logistics of living in Japan.  Of course, this was an area that we already knew a lot about!  They wanted to make sure we understood what we might be getting ourselves into.  Actually, we received some good news. We had prepared ourselves that we would be living in a very small house or apartment... probably about 1000 square feet or less and we thought finding a 4 bedroom would be nearly impossible.  But they assured us that if they were given enough time, it would not be too difficult to find a 4 bedroom house (It will still be tiny by American standards, though)!!  This made me really pleased!  Jordan has had his own space for a couple of years now, and I wasn't too sure about putting him back into a room with Nathan.

At the end of the interview, they said that they would like to have another interview in the coming days with the principals of the elementary and middle school.  The Head of School said, at that time, they would have four possible scenarios:

1)We don't have a position for you.
2)We are still interested, but we don't have a position yet.
3)We would like you to come, but we aren't sure exactly where we will place you yet.
4)We want you to come and you will be placed in this role.


I waited all week to hear back about a time for the next interview.  (WAITING IS HARD!!!)  On Saturday morning, I received an email.  Next interview will be with the Head of School, the interim elementary school principal, the returning elementary school principal, and the middle school principal on Tuesday evening at 7:30.  I also noticed on their school website that, besides an elementary position, a middle school math, science, Bible teacher position has opened up!  If you know me then you  know that I am very passionate about Math and Bible!!!  Science, while I love learning it, would take some studying on my part to learn how to teach, but I feel like I could do it.  So now I am left wondering if the middle school position isn't the better fit for me, for my strengths and passions?  Of course I don't get to decide, but I do know that God has gifted me in certain areas, and it wouldn't surprise me to discover that He had opened up this position at this time, just for me. :-)

Please be praying about this interview... TUESDAY 7:30PM Eastern time!  THANKS everyone!

Also, stay tuned for my next blog post.  I have a really cool God story to tell.  One of those things I couldn't make up if I tried. :-)

Some exciting possibilities for the Van Clan!

"Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." Psalm 46:10 NLT

Some of you might notice that this is not my usual blog! This blog was one I started way way way back in 2003, we were living in Japan at the time. Our lives looked much different then than they do now!

So WHY am I bringing back this old blog? To tell everyone about an exciting opportunity that our family is pursuing, and to ask for you to join us in prayer for God's perfect will to be accomplished. A few weeks ago (see previous post) I applied to teach at an international Christian school in Japan. This school primarily serves the children of missionaries, and the children of Japanese parents who want their children to receive a Christian education or just to be educated in English. Tomorrow evening (Monday morning in Japan), I have a SKYPE interview! This will be the first of two interviews, assuming we get past the first one.

Mark and I have always felt called to missions. When we received orders in 2000, we thought God was taking us to Japan so that we could save money for our future missions work in Africa or someplace "needy". What actually happened is that God knit our hearts to the beautiful country of Japan, and showed us that it is home to some of the most spiritually "needy" people. Sometime around 2002-2003, we began to realize that God was calling us to Japan. We left Japan in 2007, knowing that someday we would like to return, but not having any idea how that would/could happen. I once heard someone say, "God draws straight with crooked lines." And I would say that is EXACTLY what He has done and is doing with us! Seven years ago, we could never have imagined this as the the path to Japan that God had for us!

So, I am reviving this blog in faith that God is leading us back to the country and people we fell in love with over ten years ago. Mark and I would love it if you would pray for us, for our children, and for God's perfect plan to unfold. Join us on our journey, hopefully leading us back to Japan without too many more crooked-straight lines!

UPDATE:  As I was posting this, Jordan and Kloe's passports arrived in our mailbox.  :-)

School, School, School, School, and School

So the title of my post has school written 5 times.  That is because between the 6 of us we are attending 4 different schools and I have some news about a fifth school at the end of this post.  LIFE IS CRAZY.

My School
Today I took my final Praxis exam for my teaching certification, this week is the end of all my college courses and all that is left is what we call Residency... a.k.a Student Teaching.  I have been assigned to a wonderful mentor and we have an awesome 2nd grade class that we will be co-teaching together. During my student teaching I will be super busy, writing lesson plans and teaching them and doing some things required to graduate, but it is a different kind of busy and I am looking forward to it.

The Girls' School
The girls are attending a classical Christian School about 15 minutes away and the burden of getting them to school and picking them up from school has fallen completely on Mark.  Also the school uses a university schedule for K-3rd grade, which means that he home schools Nik two days a week.  He is doing an amazing job too!  Up until now I have been able to help a little bit but starting next Tuesday we will be like ships passing in the night.  He will leave for work before I get home from school... I'll see him a few minutes in the morning while getting ready, and a few minutes at night before bed.  It's gonna be a long six months!

Jordan's School
Jordan is doing great in 8th grade.  Pulling all A's and B's despite his learning difficulties.  The boy works hard.  This Saturday he will run in the Middle School Cross Country State Championships.  He has a good chance of winning.

Nathan's School
Nathan started PreK and is doing great.  He has the same teacher that Nikki had three years ago.  We absolutely love Mrs. Johnston.  She is my inspiration.  When back to school and get her teaching degree when she was older... just like me.  :-)

Future School?
I have saved the best news for last.  Mark and I have always had a heart for Japan.  While we were living there we felt certain that God would bring us back one day as missionaries.  We didn't really know how that would happen or when, but we have never lost our love for Japan or our desire to go back.   For a couple of years I have been watching the website of a Christian school in Japan for job openings.  Even though it was too soon for me to apply I wanted to get an idea of how often openings came available.  Until recently that was never.  But the other day I was checking just for fun and there was an opening for an elementary teacher for 2015/2016 school year!  Mark and I quickly discussed it, prayed and sent off the preliminary application.  The next day I received a reply and I am not in the process of providing references and transcripts and such.  We don't know where this will lead, and we trust God to open or close any door He chooses, but we would be totally thrilled to be heading back to Japan next summer!!   Prayers would be very much appreciated on our behalf.

Returning to Japan

After more than 7 years, we have a possibility of returning to Japan and reviving this blog!!  Details to come!!

New Blog

If you would like to follow the van clan we have a new blog.

vanclanfive.blogspot.com

Wow, I just realized it has been almost 5 months since my last post! I am now almost 29 weeks pregnant, we are having a girl, and she is a wild child. God gave me an EXTREMELY active little one, so I would not have much time to worry about if she was okay or not. We were a bit surprised to be having a girl (What about the name James, Lord?) but I think both Mark and I were pleasantly surprised. Don't get me wrong boys are great too, but we are really happy to be having a girl!

THUMP THUMP!

We had our Drs. appt. Monday and we were able to see our perfectly sized 8 week baby and his beautiful little heartbeat. Growth was right on target and heartbeat was strong. Weird, I thought I would be relieved once I saw it, and stop worrying so much... and I did.. for about a day! ARGH! The Dr. doesn't want to see me again until I am 15 weeks which is too long from now with no sure way to know all is well. Then I remembered that the first baby we lost measured at 8 weeks 6 days, and my fears tell me it could happen again. Your other baby made it this far too. I keep remembering the verse in my devotional when I had my last miscarriage, the one that said Abraham did not waver in unbelief, but was fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised, and I am realizing that I am not half the person Abraham was!!

I HATE FOOD!

Food is not my friend. Who invented food anyway? I have been so sick with "all day morning sickness" and mostly at home in bed for two weeks now. I have to admit that although I have a high tolerance for things like colds, headaches, and pain, I am a complete baby when I am sick to my stomach. Mark is doing a great job of taking care of me, when he is not at work, which he was for over 80 hours last week!

I got blood work back from the lab and my HCG levels (the amount of pregnancy hormone in your blood) were really high for being 7 weeks pregnant. This is not a bad thing. High numbers have a better chance of being a healthy pregnancy. Now we just wait til Monday morning and pray that we see a little beating heart on that ultrasound machine. Or with my high hcg's maybe there will be TWO beating hearts!

BIG NEWS

Time for an update! Ya know the old saying if at first you don't succeed, try try again? Well, I don't know how much our "trying" has to do with it but we just found out I am pregnant again!

Last year after my second miscarriage in 14 months, I was really wondering what God had planned for us. The day of my D&C I was reading my daily devotional book and the scripture was from Romans 4:20-21. It was talking about Abraham believing God for His promise of a son.

"He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform."

At that time I really felt like God was telling me to keep believing that He had a child for us. Does that mean this pregnancy is a sure thing? I don't pretend to know the mind of God, I can only walk in the faith that He has given me, but I do know that whatever happens it will be good, because God is good.

We covet your prayers over the next couple months!

Walking toward life

We have been studying 2 Corinthians on Sunday Mornings. Today was chapter 5. Last week we talked about how light this world's trials and tribulations are compared to the eternal weight of glory we will one day experience in heaven. It has been so good to be reminded to think about the things that are eternal; To be reminded that the things that are unseen will far outlast the things that are seen. Every once in a while I need to really get a glimpse of the reality of heaven. For when I do, I look at those who do not know Christ through a whole new set of eyes. We who know Christ are walking toward life, getting closer and closer every day. The lost are walking toward death, and they too are getting closer and closer every day. I pray that the Lord uses me to grab hold of a few as they pass by that I might take them by the hand and lead them toward life.